like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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