Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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