I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
