Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
