What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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