Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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