She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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