I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
pray to the hookup gods
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
