Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
