It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
