I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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