Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
