I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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