Having a random hookup so left but love u
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
