You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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