while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize