so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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