His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
