Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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