His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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