I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
