Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
