Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
