nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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