Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
