I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
