If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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