I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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