I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
