I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
