I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
worst night to have a conscience
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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