also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
