Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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