I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
