Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
