dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
