so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
