Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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