i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Less talking, more tequila
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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