She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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