It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
