When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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