This is not my ceiling
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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