p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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