The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
