Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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