Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
