Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
