I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
