Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
