either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
