I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
