ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
