i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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