Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
