I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
