I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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