Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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