Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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