Nicole vs. Life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
