Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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