I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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