So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
