i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
