Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
