If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
