Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
