i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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