so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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