Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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