so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
