Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
