ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
