walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
