My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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